Why You Actually Don’t Want to Balance Your Masculine and Feminine (& What To Do Instead…)

Hang around in any personal development, spiritual, or conscious space long enough and you’ll eventually hear about the need for “balance.”

We’re told we need balance to make everything in our modern lives work.

A good balance of work and play. Balancing our needs and priorities with those of other peoples’. A balanced diet. It seems we’re always striving for that elusive delicate balance.

So you might think you also need to have a good balance of masculine and feminine embodiment.

But you actually don’t need to balance your masculine and feminine energies. I’m going to tell you why and what you should do instead.

As Above, So Below

We humans like to think of ourselves as existing above or separate from nature. But even though we figured out how to harness and control nature (to a certain extent), we are still creatures evolved from the natural world. We are not separate from nature or each other. 

It’s disembodiment that causes this disconnection from our selves and from the natural world.

“As within, so without. As above, so below.” The same cycles and patterns that exist in nature are also part of us.

But does nature exist in balance?

I would argue no!

Of course, there is balance in nature, but nature doesn’t exist in a state of perfect balance. Rather, she is constantly in flux, flowing from one extreme to the other, never resting long in any one state. 

The daylight reaches a balance with darkness twice a day, but then begins to move towards noon and midnight. The seasons reach a balance at the equinox but then begin to change into deepest winter or summer. The wave swells then crashes and recedes. The fire blazes then gives way to new growth. The storm rages then the sun comes. 

And for us humans, striving for a perfect (or even imperfect) balance of masculine and feminine isn’t the goal.

Embodiment isn’t about staying in neutral all the time.

It’s about going deeper into the full-spectrum experience of being in a body.

And, in fact, even expanding our capacity to be with the highest highs and the lowest lows. 

We all want a bigger experience of life – more pleasure, bliss, joy, abundance, and love. Embodiment is a skill that gives us the ability to feel and hold all of that.

Through embodiment we also learn to be with the darkness and pain. Because when we open the aperture on our sensual experience we get both more light and more dark.

You can’t expand into more bliss while staying shut down to feeling your heart break.

A life lived fully is not about staying in the balanced middle.

Yes, there will be times when our masculine and feminine energies are in balance. Just like there is an equinox twice a year, and the light and dark are in balance twice in a day. 

But there are also times when the moment calls for us to be fully in the feminine. Completely immersed in the flowing, feeling emotions and sensations that are present in our bodies. Like holding your newborn baby for the first time. Or grieving a loved one. 

And there will be times when the moment calls for us to be fully in the masculine. Holding space as conscious awareness, creating structures and plans and executing them.

And there will be times when we will be somewhere on the spectrum in between. 

When you think of your life or who you are as a person on the whole, it’s not necessary for those to be in masculine/feminine balance either.

Some people have a dharma that is very masculine and they don’t spend much time in the feminine at all. And some have a very feminine path. Still others exist more in between. These are all valid and beautiful.

Where people can tend to get tripped up – where problems occur – is not when things aren’t balanced, but when the relationship to the masculine or feminine is unhealthy. Where there’s a lot of shadow or resistance or rebellion that comes from trauma, early childhood programming, culture and media, or even from our lineage and ancestors. 

What to do instead of balance

What we want is a healthy relationship to both the masculine and the feminine, and for them to exist in harmony or coherence with each other. 

Not balance, but harmony. 

Each playing their own notes that together make a coherent melody.

When you have a healthy relationship with both the masculine and the feminine, and the ability to sense and move into whatever is being called for moment to moment, then you have harmony. 

You’re able to play and dance with these energies in a way that serves you. No need for balance. 

You can spend the majority of your time in the feminine energies, as long as you have that healthy dose of masculine making sure you are safe and your physical needs are taken care of (income, food, shelter). 

Or you can spend the majority of your time in the masculine energies, as long as you have that healthy dose of feminine giving depth, purpose, feeling, and juice to whatever it is you’re focused on.

Most likely you’re somewhere in between, like I am, at times in your feminine and at others in your masculine. 

Flowing in harmony

As a business woman and a mom, I am constantly flowing back and forth between masculine and feminine energies. As a coach, I need to hold space, awareness, and direction with my clients (masculine) while they are deep in their feminine. I also need to touch in with my feminine at the same time so I can find resonance with what emotions they are experiencing. 

As an embodied entrepreneur, I build my business (masculine) around the feminine depth, feeling, and pleasure (feminine) I want to experience.

As a mom, I hold the masculine structure and direction for my children. But when I’m with my partner, I want to relax into my feminine and be the receptive and flowing energy within the structure and awareness they hold. 

The modern conscious woman

A really common problem for modern women is that we are SO used to being in our masculine energy of getting shit done that it’s hard to switch out of that space into the feminine.

Many of us aren’t even aware that we’re missing this aspect of our being. And we are so out of practice with the feminine that it feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar – like a pair of boots after you’ve worn flip flops all summer. 

A big part of my work with clients is in activating their feminine gifts, and remembering and reclaiming the power of their feminine energy. That way they are able to flow between the two more easily, and to access more of their sensuality, pleasure, and depth that makes life so juicy.

Transitions are key 

The ability to transition smoothly is a critical ingredient to making this harmonious relationship work. 

Like yoga, transition requires some regular practice before it becomes embodied and naturally easy.  When we bring our conscious awareness and direction to what our bodies are doing, it changes how we are BE-ing. 

So, for example, to move into the feminine after a long day in the office, we can make time to dance a little and move our hips, bringing the energy down out of our heads and into our sensing, feeling bodies. We can touch our skin all over and engage our senses with some essential oil, or enjoying a delicious tea. We start with the body in order to BE more in our feminine energy.

I often need help transitioning into my masculine energy to get shit done, since I’m more used to flowing in my feminine these days. Sometimes I will do a workout or some breathwork to switch into the masculine – how I’m BE-ing follows what my body is DO-ing.

With time and practice it gets easier to transition smoothly between them as needed.

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So what do you think? Are your masculine and feminine in harmony? Do you struggle with one or both? Leave a comment or send me a message and let me know!

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And if you want more help embodying the feminine + masculine, or bringing them into greater harmony in your life, you can check out my 1:1 embodiment sessions here!