Should You Push Past Your Fears?
If you’re reading this, you’re probably on a path of personal growth. And that’s a path where you’re going to encounter fear. When you’re pushing at your edges and expanding into new territory, it can be really scary at times.
How do you know if your fear is telling you to back off, or if this is an opportunity to push into new territory?
Last week we talked about how to become more intuitive and follow your inner guidance. (If you missed that post, click here to read it!)
But what happens when you tune in to your inner guidance and what you’re feeling in your body is FEAR?
It’s tempting to say – that’s causing me anxiety, it must not be right. And that may be true. But that’s quite often not the whole story.
Fear is an emotion that’s here to keep us safe.
>>It keeps us from getting too close to the edge of the cliff.
>>It stops us from wandering off alone too far from camp.
>>It makes us think twice about walking down a dark street at night.
Sometimes it’s pretty obvious that there’s a real risk of physical harm. But what about when it’s not so clear?
A business risk
Committing to a relationship
Quitting a job
Embarking on a new project that stretches you
Sometimes the things we feel fear around really aren’t right for us, and our intuition is telling us to steer clear.
And sometimes fear is keeping us boxed in to our comfort zone. We might be “safe” but it’s holding us back from growth.
How do we know when to listen to our fear and when to push past it?
Let’s assume you’ve already done the practical assessment of safety. In other words, you’re confident that you will still be able to eat and pay your rent next month, regardless of your decision. You’re certain you’re far enough away from the edge of the cliff that you’re not going to fall. It goes without saying that you shouldn’t push past fear when your actual physical safety is at risk.
Let’s say you’re feeling fear that doesn’t involve your actual physical safety; it’s more intangible. You’re standing on a metaphorical precipice, and you need to make a decision.
Should you leap or turn back?
You keep turning the problem over and over in your mind, analyzing all the angles, but you just don’t know for sure what to do. Your intuition seems to be stuck on fear.
It’s really common to experience this kind of fear when you are in a phase of expansion. Big changes to your identity can be perceived as a threat to your ego. It’s like a form of death as layers of your old self are shed. It’s scary to step into new territory.
This is real fear! It isn’t just “in your head.” It’s not just something you need to override in order to uplevel. I see a lot of motivational memes that say just to push through and do it anyway - don’t let fear hold you back.
If you’ve ever heard that before and felt frustrated, it’s because there’s so much more to it. That attitude can be disempowering because it dismisses the lived experience in your body. It cuts off a part of you.
The truth is your fear is here for a reason, and it’s calling to be metabolized through your system in order for you to move forward in your full power, with all facets of yourself integrated and aligned.
What is your deepest truth?
If your intuition seems to be stuck on fear, lacking clarity about what to do, or you feel paralyzed and unable to take action, it’s likely you haven’t yet contacted the truth of your deepest heart.
When you land on your deepest truth, there’s a clarity, and a knowing, that you experience as a felt sense of in your body. It’s the feminine depth from which authentically aligned action arises.
What happens when you let yourself sit and marinate in this feeling of fear, without any agenda or expectation?
What layers are beneath that need to be acknowledged and felt?
It’s being with what is present in your body, and moving through the layers of emotion, that leads to your authentic truth and clarity.
“Honoring myself is what’s most important…”
Shay* came to one of our sessions wanting to make a decision about her relationship. She wasn’t sure if it was right for her any more.
She’d talked endlessly with friends and even with her therapist, analyzing her situation from every angle. She made lists of pros and cons. She journaled. She even had someone read tarot cards for her, which unhelpfully revealed that she would find the answers within her.
Yet when she felt into this situation, all that was there was anxiety and fear no matter which way she looked at it.
She felt fear about leaving because what if this *was* the right partner for her?
But she also felt fear about staying – what if she ended up unhappy?
What she hadn’t tried yet was simply being with this sensation of fear. Creating some space for it. Sitting with it. Allowing it to be there, and to be fully felt and expressed through her body.
Most people don’t want to feel this deeply. It’s UNCOMFORTABLE!
We want to spring right into action to make the uncomfortable feeling end.
Or, we distract ourselves by keeping busy, focusing on other things, effectively numbing out and maybe even simply settling for what’s in front of us.
But feeling and processing these emotions and letting them move through you is what clears the space for you to hear your deepest truth. It’s what sets your heart free.
As Shay dropped in to her body and allowed herself to fully experience this fear, she found that underneath was a very tender layer of emotion that she might end up alone. As she opened her heart, the tears flowed, and waves of pain washed over her, all tied up with deep, deep wounds around being good enough, being worthy enough, for love and connection.
Once all that pain moved through and released, she could feel in her deepest heart that she no longer connected with this story that she might end up alone and unloved. It no longer felt like hers. It didn’t feel true in her body.
The truth she felt was that there was so much love available, all around her. The truth she felt was that there was another deep romantic connection waiting for her. She felt clarity that her current relationship was no longer aligned with this vision of love her deepest heart longed for.
Even more than that, she felt in the depths of her heart that honoring herself and her truth was what was most important. She told me, “What I’m feeling is that no relationship can give me this self-honoring, and no relationship is worth dishonoring my truth for.”
Powerful insights.
Perhaps I could have given her some of the same advice, but it doesn’t mean anything unless she is able to feel it land in her body and claim it as her own wisdom. As her truth.
A shortcut to clarity
Here’s another way to get clarity if you’re still struggling. Ask yourself this question ...
When I think about moving forward through the fear to the other side, what do I feel?
Do I feel expansion?
Or contraction?
If you get quiet and place your awareness into your body, you will feel the answer in the moment of space after you drop in the question.
EXPANSION feels like energy is opening up along the front of your body. You may get a sense of your heart opening, a forward pull, or the feeling of spaciousness. If you feel this when you think about what’s on the other side of the fear, that indicates the fear might be simply keeping you “safe” in your comfort zone. And what’s on the other side is expanding you into more of your fullness.
CONTRACTION feels like the energy moving into the back of your body. You may feel a pulling backward, or even a physical tightening or clenching in your heart, your jaw, or your neck. Contraction indicates that the fear might actually be protecting you from something that’s not really right for you.
If you feel contraction does it mean you definitely shouldn’t proceed?
Not necessarily. It may just mean that some things need to be figured out before you’re ready. Maybe there are some logistical details to sort out, or the timing isn’t aligned yet, or you still have some layers of stuck emotions to work through to get to the truth of your deepest heart.
In what area of your life do you suspect fear might be currently holding you “safely” in your comfort zone? Let me know in the comments!
*Not her real name. Shared with permission.
